because yesterday was so wonderful, tonight i am on the downward fall.

oh, my heart hurts.

my nutshell in my chest is empty, and i know that i won't have anyone to fill it for a long time.

that makes it feel even emptier.

yesterday i went to a local show, but it i was just so out of it.

i mean, it was pretty good, but i just felt like i was made out of air last night.

i am so sick and tired of everyone trying to be cool and trying to make connections and trying to be at the right place at the right time and taking pictures in public and selling their art and wearing the 'right' clothes and knowing the 'right' stuff and just... gah.

i need my transcendentalist.

please.

my friend sent me the most wonderful story about how she and another friend just talked about what's important in life.

i remember i once told someone very close that they cared about the right things in life-- the things that were truly important. i didn't want to say culture or art because those things are important but they're just a mass of things that can be crappy or wonderful. i don't know how to explain it. i think what's important is being able to sense and know that there are things out there outside of us.

and that doesn't make any sense either.

'if you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to loose.'

-bukowski

oh again. i know. i know.

that's the only way i can think to explain it.

let's just hope that those little pieces of soul or whatever it is that makes us feel this way will light the way to others like ourselves.

i just feel so simultaneously heavy and empty.