Our imagination flies — we are its shadow on the earth.
—
Vladimir Nabokov

to touch and feel each thing in the world, to know it by sight and name, and then to know it with your eyes closed so that when something is gone, it can be recognized by the shape of its absence. so that you can continue to possess the lost, because absence is the only constant thing. because you can get free of everything except the space where things have been.
— nicole krauss, man walks into a room

i'm feeling so creatively bruised.
that writers' block really hurts when you run into it.

Synesthesia from Terri Timely on Vimeo.

part i:

mother: look at my hands. i'm shaking--all my body is shaking.

daughter: it was only a dream, mommy.

mother: he was there... his car was parked there in the same gas station, all dressed in green, dark green. i couldn't move my head, but i was watching him in the mirror. oh, it was horrible! his face was sort of erased, but i knew he was looking at me. two invisible eyes, two invisible and monstrous eyes.

daughter: please stop. you're frightening me.

mother: i'm sorry, butterfly. you shouldn't listen to mommy. go back to sleep.

daughter: i'm not tired anymore. i just want to get away from here.

mother: mommy needs some sleep too. we've got a long way to go tomorrow. go back to sleep, angel. mom is gonna keep the devil away. now close your eyes. everything is fine, everything is light. mom loves you more than any mom in the world. see you in the morning light where the birds sings with the sun. i love you, sweetie.

daughter: i love you, mom...

part ii:
mother: wake up! wake up!

daughter: what's happening?

mother: i felt his breath in my hair. he's here! i know he's here!

daughter: well start the car, mom. hurry up!

mother: i can't. i can't. i don't know what to do.

daughter: turn the key, please! go! go!

mother: where is he?

daughter: he's right behind us, mom.

mother: i told you, you gotta keep quiet now!

daughter: mommy, i don't wanna die! i'm so afraid. he's coming! he's gonna hit us. go faster, faster!

mother: i can't. where is he?

daughter: everything is so frightening!

mother: there's a light. i'm not sure.

daughter: it's all your fault!

mother: you just have to keep quiet. he must be so crazy right now. he is going to kill us for sure.

daughter: mom, mom...

mother: shut up! i... i can't drive this crazy forever! shut the fuck up!

daughter: ...are, are we gonna be ok?

mother: it's too late. he was just there. he's always doomed for the cliff!

part iii:
mother: look at my hands. i'm shaking. all my body is shaking.

daughter: mommy, it was only... mommy...

mother: he was there. he was just there...

daughter: mommy!?

-car chase terror, m83

The milk in Korea was very sweet.
When she went to America, the milk was bland.
Disappointed, she went from carton to carton, drinking each one, tryingto find the taste again.
What are you doing, said her mother.
Trying to find it, she said. She was 4 and trying to regainthe memory of something that happened the first 3 yrs of her life.

-from jeanie at brklyngirl.wordpress.com

you're the best at expressing things for us, mirand july.

one day miriam and i will come and find you and we'll all go to burning man together and be best friends forever and ever.

haha

however, in the expansion of her joy, the moon filled the whole room with phosphorescent vapour, like a luminous poison; and all the living light thought and said: ‘you shall suffer for ever the influence of my kiss. you shall be beautiful in my fashion. you shall love that which i love and that which loves me: water, clouds, silence and the night; the immense green sea; the formless and multiform streams; the place where you shall not be; the lover whom you shall not know; flowers of monstrous shape; perfumes that cause delirium; cats that shudder, swoon and curl up on pianos and groan like women, with a voice that is hoarse and gentle!’
the favours of the moon; baudelaire, 1869

http://davidhorvitz.tumblr.com/

i said to my soul, "be still."

the day he first told me he was starting to disappear i didn't believe him & so he stopped & held his hand up to the sun & it was like thin paper in the light & finally i said you seem very calm for a man who is disappearing & he said it was a relief after all those years of trying to keep the pieces of his life in one place. later on, i went to see him again & as i was leaving, he put a package in my hand. this is the last piece of my life, he said, take good care of it & then he smiled & was gone & the room filled with the sound of the wind & when i opened the package there was nothing there & i thought there must be some mistake or maybe i dropped it & i got down on my hands & knees & looked until the light began to fade & then slowly i felt the pieces of my life fall away gently & suddenly i understood what he meant & i lay there for a long time crying & laughing at the same time.

-from 'disappearing' over at storypeople.com

yet another video post because somehow posting videos fulfills me as a person.

haha i dunno.

i would also like to see this, even though i am 95% sure it will not come to where i am. therefore, i will go to it. sigh. i cannot afford to drive somewhere and then pay to see this movie and possibly get an icee thing. oh oh oh tangent. the other night i had a dream that my family was in a huge shopping complex in what was supposed to be nyc (wow, my dreams are cliche) and there was a movie theatre on one of the floors. well, my mom suddenly had the incredible urge to satiate her hunger with an icee. strange, but hey, this is dreamland. however, the icees were $18 a pop, but she was apparently dying of thirst, so we bought one. then i was complaining about how damn expensive everything is in the city and two of the movie theatre workers who happened to be listening in on my conversation had to agree. another girl who worked there disagreed, though. she was all in my face and said, 'well these people are having a good time, aren't they? it doesn't matter if it's worth nothing but they give everything for it.' that didn't really mean much to me in the context of the dream because i just thought of her as some rude movie attendant who pours too much butter on stale popcorn, but in reality she seems more like a type of omen. maybe dream movie chick was trying to tell me about myself and how i spend my time and money, or maybe she was talking about society as a whole. it was quite a vivid dream, so i immediately made sketches and told my mom about it (including all the details about what the movie posters looked like { two movies featured the olsen twins, by the way}). after i had finished my strange rant she said, 'well i'm glad i don't have to interpret that. i have no idea what any of your dreams mean.' and usually i don't either. well, most of the time they are about the apocalypse, so i figure the world will end sooner or later. but now i suppose i have an idea of what this dream means. and i didn't even analyze it. it just came to me.

aaaaaaaaanyways... yes. i would like to see this movie. it looks cute. and michael cera is cute.

bahahaha i love this segment.
'i found.... i found velour fabric, i found... what did i find?'
(oh. from jeffrey and cole casserole)

oh this is so super neat.
http://wefeelfine.org/

i am in DIRE need of new music.
so dire i used capital letters.
gasp.
any suggestions?
anyone? anyone?
(bueller?)

if you are not supposed to read this,
then don't.
please.

swedish music is just so enchanting.

so i am just going to rant and rant.

i'm not even sure what the maximum number of posts is per day, but i am sure i will soon reach my limit.

oh, how i enjoy audrey kawasaki's work.

she epitomizes beauty by creating such delicate painting on perfectly grained wood.

gah. i love that wood.

i spent about an hour at lowes once looking for scrap wood with that same texture.

and then i attempted to paint in proper kawasaki style.

did not even happen.

i detest oils, although they look amazing.

just not when i play around with them.

for some reason or another the paint does not agree with my style and feels thick and disgusting and gruely on the paintbrush.

and they are a hassle to get ready and blah blah blah.

i remember the first i ever saw audrey kawasaki's work.

of course i scouted out her online gallery the next chance i had a computer, and for some reason looking at her fragile paintings and sketches left me feeling secretly ashamed-- not because most of her works depict naked men or women sometimes in erotic-like poses, but because they trumped every piece of art i could create or possibly create. they inspired awe and sadness through a subtle mixture of life and death accompanied by incredible images.

i am no art critic.

i have no way to explain her art, but audrey kawasaki's pieces are exquisite and they just make me want to write and tell the world about them (though this post may recieve one view at maximum).

and besides, i have to justify paying $6 for juxtapoz magazine when they featured her.

ha.

i love cat people.
just like i love bird people.
is that strange?
i believe it is.
this first lovely picture by zaragoza is available on etsy.
and i want it!
and the other is from kittygenius.com.
hooray for wanting things that i cannot afford!
hooray for working two jobs and still spending money on petty, silly things like thread and wood and plants and earrings.
with all of my hair cut off, my sense of normal reality seems to have been sliced off too.
oh well.
(and then i thought, "no. it's better this way.")

post post post.

oh, i could post all day and night.

i'm not sure if these works should appeal to me or if i should be horrified by them.

there's something mystifying about them, though.

the artist, mike libby (http://www.insectlabstudio.com/), uses real insect specimens and watch parts to create these steampunk-ish pieces.

i really do like the juxtaposition of preserved insect bodies and cogs and springs and wheels and whatnot. it is very strange--surreal in a way.

but it's thought-provoking.

nice to see something so strangely beautiful.

oh my dear lawd.
one of the most addicting games ever.
i adore these adventure-mind-figure-it-out deals.
wonderful.
and he's a platypus.
not to be confused with platipus, which puts out some fantastic trance music.
(children dream remix).
yes.
oh yes.
http://www.miniclip.com/games/chasm/en/

from one of my favourite, favourite, favourite movies.

miranda july is brilliant.

we should know each other.

i saw the perfect movie. it was really magic, and not in a corny, wordy way but in a way that hurts you and makes you feel horrible and full and empty and alive. it feels so wonderful to know that there are other people like us out there who can make movies about things that matter. i told you once that you care about things that matter but i couldn't explain what that meant. i think this movie makes it a little clearer. sometimes i have no idea what is going on, but i just wanted to say thank you.

http://www.theuniformproject.com/

let me do this?

please?

What Else Is There? from Röyksopp on Vimeo.

this song is reeeeaaaaaaal!

last night, the strangest dream: there was a vampire machine at my feet. it looked like a typewriter or a dog. it talked: ok, let’s get on with it, it said.
no, i don’t want to, i said vehemently, no no no.
it looked up at me. it had a comical face. it didn’t need to say anything. i could feel the pressure of its thoughts. just yield, i thought.
then something fell out of its mouth. it was a tooth. i picked it up and it was wrapped in leather. it was a leather tooth. how strange, i thought.
ok, it said impatiently, let’s get on with it.
ok, i said, ( i am still holding the leather tooth). ok. it started to move toward my feet.
i woke up terrified.

from jeanie over at http://brklyngirl.wordpress.com

one of the most beautiful things i've seen in a while.

i want to go to a rocky horror picture show again.

it's been almost a year since the last time i've been.

and we all know how that turned out.

walking around dressed like a prostitute in harlem at 2 in the morning isn't exactly the safest thing to do. oh, and we missed the late train, so we had to walk back to campus.

hoo-rah.

at least it was exciting.

today is a good day.

today i've realized it's summertime.

i'm sorry.
i've just been so angry lately.

smell her hair. talk to her in movie theaters. hold her hand while you talk. tell her she’s beautiful. look her in the eyes when you talk to her. tell her stupid jokes. let her play with your hair. just walk around with her. look at her like she’s the only girl you see. tickle her, even if she say’s stop. when she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her. let her fall asleep in your arms. get her mad, then kiss her. give her piggyback rides. tease her. let her tease you back. kiss her forehead. when she’s sad, hang out with her. let her take all the photos of you she wants. kiss her in the rain. when you fall in love with her, tell her.
-anonymous

d'awww.
i want to slap whoever wrote this.
there is no rule book.
stop trying to write one.